The Leadership Lessons We Wish We’d Known: Advice to Our Younger Selves

Stepping into a leadership role for the first time is both exhilarating and overwhelming. It comes with the weight of expectations—our own, our team’s, and our organisation’s. Looking back, there are so many things we wish we had understood earlier.

When we sat down to reflect on our early leadership experiences, we couldn’t help but laugh—at the mistakes, the self-doubt, and the things we wish we’d known sooner.

Between us, we’ve spent decades leading teams, developing leadership capability, and coaching others through their leadership journeys. We’ve worked across various industries in both internal and consultancy roles and have seen leadership from every angle.

Now, as Programme Leads helping emerging leaders step into leadership roles with confidence, we want to share what we’ve learned.

If you’re a new leader—or supporting someone who is—we hope these insights help you navigate the challenges ahead with a little less stress (and a lot more confidence).

If we could sit down with our younger selves—those fresh-faced, slightly nervous new leaders—here’s what we’d say.

Liz’s Lessons in Leadership

1. Relationships, Relationships, Relationships

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: relationships matter more than deliverables. That might sound controversial, but hear me out.

When I was a Business Manager in a large global team, I was laser-focused on performance—understanding opportunities, collating data, driving delivery. I worked hard to ensure high standards, and I nudged (and sometimes chased) people along the way. But looking back, I realise I underestimated the power of building deeper, trusting relationships.

Had I invested more in those connections, I might have understood the real challenges my colleagues faced, particularly those working in completely different contexts from my own. I might have been able to bridge the ‘distance’ between our UK office and our teams across Africa in a way that data alone never could.

Now, I know that strong relationships create strong outcomes. The work still gets done—but with more trust, collaboration, and shared commitment to success.

2. Zoom Out
My second piece of advice? Regularly step back and take in the bigger picture.

I have always had a strength in detail orientation (yes, I ask lots of questions—sorry!). But in my early leadership roles, I didn’t understand how to manage this. I would get so deep into the weeds that I sometimes lost sight of the broader vision.

A great leader once encouraged me to get involved in different areas, pushing me to zoom out when I was too focused on minutiae. At the time, I didn’t fully appreciate what he was doing—but now, I do. He was helping me develop the ability to see beyond my immediate responsibilities and my organisation at the time to connect my work to the wider sector and world of leadership.

Today, I have built my strategic muscles. I reflect regularly, review progress, and ensure I’m aligned with long-term goals. It’s a habit I wish I had built sooner.

3. Look for Strengths
There were times, particularly during restructures and mergers, when I focused too much on what was missing—what gaps needed filling, where people were falling short. I now see how powerful it is to start with strengths.

I wonder how many of my team members struggled simply because I hadn’t helped them uncover where they added the most value. Leadership isn’t about changing people; it’s about unlocking potential. And I wish I had known then what I know now about using strengths as a foundation for high-performing teams.

Kath’s Leadership Lessons

4. Be Your Authentic Self—Everyone Else is Taken
For a long time in my early career, I felt like I needed to fit in. I worked in a male-dominated environment, and that shaped how I showed up—how I spoke, how I led, how I presented myself. I didn’t fully realise it at the time, but I was adapting to what I thought leadership should look like rather than embracing who I truly was.

The turning point? Gaining clarity on my own values and purpose. Once I understood what I stood for, I became more confident, built deeper trust, and connected with people in a much more meaningful way. If I could go back, I’d tell myself: Your own shoes are just fine! (I actually had great shoes) You’ll be a far better leader when you lead as yourself.

5. Understand Other People’s Perspectives Properly
It’s easy to assume that if someone isn’t responding well to your message, the problem is either with them—or with you. But often, it’s neither.

People have a lot going on. Timing, stress levels, external pressures—all of these factors affect how someone receives information. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that listening deeply and being mindful of how (and when) I communicate makes a massive difference.

Not every conversation will go as planned, and that’s okay. What matters is being aware of what else might be influencing the dynamic. (On that note, I’m currently listening to Nihal Arthanayake’s “Let’s Talk”, which explores the art of meaningful conversations—it’s fascinating.)

6. Not Knowing the Answer is Absolutely Fine
When I first became a manager, I felt a huge pressure to know everything. I thought being a good leader meant always having the right answer, being able to fix problems instantly, and having flawless conversations. If I didn’t, I assumed I was failing.

Now? I know that admitting “I don’t know” is one of the most powerful things a leader can do.

Asking questions like: What am I missing? What other perspectives should we consider?, or simply Tell me more about your ideas – has transformed the way I lead. Not only does it take the pressure off, but it also invites collaboration and innovation in a way that having all the answers never could.

Key Takeaways

✔ Relationships drive results – Focus on building trust, not just delivering tasks.

✔ Step back and see the bigger picture – Don’t get stuck in the weeds of daily work.

✔ Leverage strengths – People thrive when you help them play to their strengths.

✔ Be authentic – The best leaders lead as themselves, not as a version of what they think they ‘should’ be.

✔ Listen deeply – Effective communication isn’t just about what you say—it’s about understanding others.

✔ You don’t need all the answers – The best leaders ask great questions, not just give great answers.

What Advice Would You Give?

Between us, we’ve spent 30 years leading, coaching, and shaping leadership development across businesses of all sizes. And if there’s one truth we’ve learned, it’s this: leadership is a journey of constant learning.

Now, over to you.

If you could go back in time, what advice would you give to your younger self as a first-time leader?

Please share your comments below or get in touch—we’d love to hear your insights.

Need support developing emerging leaders in your organisation? Let’s talk. Email: info@Co-Creation.Group or call: 0161 969 2512 for an informal chat.